Friday, July 27, 2007

How To Talk Like A Politician (Part 1)

Introduction:
This installment sets out to introduce the infinite wisdom of the politicians in a fictional place called Boleh-Land, where everything is possible, say, magically turning the capital city into Venice after moderate rain.

Example:
"The rise of police reports is due to Boleh-Land people are more crime conscious and more brave to report to the authority" - a politician's reply when asked to comment on the recent spike in crime numbers

His Main Point:
1. Number of crime rate has not increased, thus he pushed the accusation of "the crime rate has shot up" aside

Points He Shunned:
1. The question on the absolute number which is high in any measure. As expected, he did once again compare with other messier countries. "We are much better than country X where people need to hire gun men to protect themselves. You are very blessed as you have dedicated police force for you. You are still robbed and raped? Well, too bad, don't expect the government to patrol in front of your house everyday, OK? "

Now the more interesting part: Application. Note this application is something that I have seen or heard personally. Really no play play one. Ok, here we go.

How to Apply:

Scenario: The project you design has a lot of 'issues' and these bugs are found by the test engineer or/and customers. What do you say when confronted by fuming boss?

Steps:
  1. Before you start, shake your head slowly as if your boss has asked a silly question
  2. Stare in his/her eyes, and say slowly "No no no, you don't understand."
  3. "I didn't inject any new defects in the design. See, the test engineer and customer are more acquainted with the product after working extensively with me. Therefore, they have a deeper insight on the product and the issues just surface more quickly. There is no new defects."
  4. If your boss isn't convinced, say "In fact, these are new features that are yet to be documented. The specs are out-dated."
  5. Turn your face away from your boss and keep working, leaving your appalled boss on the spot to repent for the silly question asked.
Final note: Use at your own risk

2 comments:

The Soothsayer said...

Nice one. You left out the part where the engineer then goes and buys supplies from his family's shop and when the system collapses, he blames God for it when questioned by his manager. Surprisingly, his manager accepts his answer with no further questioning and the engineer can go on and do what he likes, generating 0 revenue for the company and stealing their office supplies.

Oh wait! That's how to behave like a politician not just talk like one. Sorry.

Cuppa Chai said...

Those will be discussed in an advanced course later ;)