Boring Saturday Evening, Unix Jokes

I stumbled on an old newsgroup post and found it is quite amusing. Well, lonely engineers are all alike....

Reproduce at its entirety as follows:

From: rjchen at phoenix.Princeton.EDU (Raymond Juimong Chen)
Subject: Re: UNIX jokes: Here goes...
Keywords: rec_humor_cull, usenet, chuckle, originally appeared in 1990
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny.reruns
Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2001 7:20:00 PST

The following are strange error messages you can get Unix to generate.

They were culled during the summer of 1988 from rec.humor. As we all
know, real error messages have two parts: a message code, and a return
code. Ideally, the message code is hexadecimal, the return code is
octal, and the manual explaining the error messages uses decimal. But
Unix (tm), in keeping with its characteristic lexical confusion,
produces error messages which, although designed to make the system
appear sentient, and conversational, ultimately make the system seem as
stupid as it is. Note that the '%' prompt indicates that the command
should be issued from the C shell, and the '$' prompt indicates the
Bourne shell. Enjoy.

% rm meese-ethics
rm: meese-ethics nonexistent

% ar m God
ar: God does not exist

% "How would you rate Reagan's incompetence?
Unmatched ."

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].                                                              

% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ Reagan spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make:  Don't know how to make love.  Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:{sp 0}: Too many arguments.

% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% (-
(-: Command not found.

% sh
$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink matter
matter: cannot create

Source URL: http://www.rupa.com/pipermail/jokes/2001-November/001818.html